Remember the comic book Nightstalkers? Actually that's a trick question; nobody does, because it was such an embarrassing, incomprehensible piece of shit that real comic book fans wouldn't even use it for kindling. Seriously, this mag was so fucking awful that a bit like this actually passed for "clever":
me now whoever wrote that now. One good thing did come out of this comic though: the "Department of Occult Armaments", a team of evil secret agents with fucked-up horror-movie powers. And the two best things about D.O.A. were terrorist hotties Pyre and Rotwrap. Pyre is like the five-thousandth comic book character with fire-based powers, but she's a sexy redhead so as far as I'm concerned that puts her miles ahead of the Human Torch. Plus you know this had to happen at least once:
Hapless Dipshit: "Hey, baby, does the carpet match the curtains? Ha ha! AHhHHHHhhhh!!! I'm on fire!!!!!!!!"
And Rotwrap? Well, she's basically a mummy filled with bugs. Okay, that may not be your thing, but I'm Mr. fucking Satanism, and if I wanna kick it with a mummy filled with bugs I'll kick it with a goddamned mummy filled with bugs. Especially when she's sporting a rack like this:
Disturbingly (yes even more disturbing than my willingness to fuck a chick made out of bugs), Pyre and Rotwrap spent the majority of their time getting beaten up by men and/or begging the men in question not to beat them up. I think the guy who wrote Nightstalkers had some serious mommy issues.