Saturday, April 27, 2013

Good Men (2011)

Lou Grant and another old fuck argue for ten minutes about something that only assholes and morons believe anymore (that 9/11 was a huge conspiracy, perpetrated by the American government), and then the guy who isn't Lou Grant pisses himself. Seriously, that's it. That's all we got goin' on here. It's the kind of movie that only someone who's tasted the sweet, forbidden love of his own mother's asshole would make, and it's so fucking slight and categorically pointless that there isn't even a genre to assign it to, unless there's such a thing as "idiot porn". Honestly, what butt-sniffer still thinks that we blew up 9/11 ourselves and then covered it up with a conspiracy? Why? To start a war? Give me a fucking break. The U.S. starts wars for no reason at all all the fucking time - orchestrating a huge conspiracy to justify it would just make the whole process needlessly complicated and be a huge waste of everyone's time. Only a knuckle-dragging pinhead would believe something like that, and only their ass-dwelling king would make yet another dumbass movie about it. If you ask me, Lou Grant should be ashamed of himself, but since he appeared in this fucking garbage he obviously has no shame, so a better option would be for him to have a stroke, and the sooner, the better. Fuck you, Lou Grant. And fuck this pile of crap.
Want to know the truth about 9/11? Some terrorists did it. Now buy my books.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

My Father's Mistress (2012)

Caught this one at the Sunscreen Film Festival in St. Petersburg, Florida, and the two cats who made it flew all the way in from Japan for the screening. Here's a funny thing though: seems they have a Japanese restraining order against one of the actresses now, and the crazy bitch actually showed up. Now that is one psychotic trick. Looking back, I kinda wish I would've hit on her.

So anyway, this cute little chippie overhears her mom arguing with the other woman, but since pop is croaking on his deathbed anyway she figures why not let the home-wrecking whore see him one last time? She chases the woman down to tell her what hospital dad is in, only to find herself rapping with the tramp and learning to move on with her own life in the process. There's an actual word for "Japanese family drama" (besides "boring", I mean) and I forget what it is, but if you like those then My Father's Mistress really is a pretty good movie. If not, then just pretend that this is all just the build-up before the Smog Monster attacks. Either way, you should definitely support these guys, because they were super cool and they flew all the way to the United States to promote their movie, and that shows real dedication. Of course, stalking two young filmmakers all the way from Japan to the United States shows some real dedication too, so following my argument to its logical conclusion I guess their whack-job former actress has my support as well. I just hope these guys make many more good movies before she kills and eats one or both of them.

The Smog Monster
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