Tuesday, August 28, 2012

The Shark Con (2010)

Would the world really be any worse off if we wiped out all the sharks? Sure, most of them are harmless, but if even one bikini babe can be saved I think that fully justifies extinctifying the lot of them. Unless the bikini babe in question is a total prude who won't put out or something.
In areas where their population has been compromised by more traditional predators
(drunken frat guys, creepy old dudes who own a yacht, humanoids from the deep), the
loss of even one bikini babe to a shark attack can have a serious impact on the local
environment. Especially if she said she'd go out with you this weekend.
This movie is about whether or not sharks are really endangered, and they interview all sorts of folks, including scientists, fisherdudes, and people who swim with the sharks and want to be their chum. Heh. The most hilarious dude they talk to is "Captain Bill", a shark hunter who's the type of guy you'd call a "colorful character" right before he punched you in the neck. Ha! I'm kidding. Actually he seems like a pretty cool cat, and he has a great story about the time he was banging a girl against the side of his boat when a big ol' hammerhead came creeping around and ate half of his dog after it jumped in to protect them. (Look for his forthcoming book, I Was Almost the First Scene in Every Shark Movie Ever Made). They never do decide whether sharks are endangered or not, but as far as I'm concerned it's a non-issue. We need to stop worrying about preserving a bunch of killer fish that want to eat us and concentrate on helping our seagoing allies, like the bomb-planting dolphin, the sexy but ultimately frustrating mermaid, and, needless to say...

The bikini babe is an important species that needs to be protected in all its forms.
Excluding fat chicks. Please donate now via the Paypal button found elsewhere on
this page. All funds will be used by me to observe these beautiful creatures in the
wild, and possibly buy one of them a rum runner.

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