You know, I think I speak for everyone when I say that we've had our fill of H. P. Lovecraft movies. Why doesn't anyone ever make an Algernon Blackwood movie? Or a William Hope Hodgson movie? Honestly, can't someone show a little imagination once in a while? This disaster begins with a ridiculous "She's Having My Monster" scene, followed by an exorcism. The exorcism sequence is actually kinda cool at first, but then they find the source of the demon's power hidden under the floorboards and are you fucking kidding me it's a goddamned Tomy Pyraminx:
Oh, they peeled all the stickers off, and painted some goofy symbols on it, but that's what it is all right. Stupid assholes. It would be embarrassing enough if we saw it just the once, but they keep harping on the damn thing, and it gets more laughable by the second. The best is when the two exorcists take it to a third guy to add to, quote-unquote, "the collection". I'm sure it'll look lovely on his mantle, right next to these:
Ha ha ha! What a fucking joke. To make things worse, it's right about this time I noticed that every once in a while the picture would start skipping and jumping and randomly fading to black and shit. At first I thought there was something wrong with my television, but nope, it's all on purpose, I guess to make the movie as annoying and unpleasant to watch as possible. Well, mission accomplished, idiots.
How about someone make a movie that actually follows the plot of an H.P. Lovecraft story? THAT would be original. But please, add some tits and ass. I swear, Lovecraft was a twink or something.
ReplyDeleteThe H.P. stood for "Hates Pussy".
DeleteI think the closest anyone has ever come to getting the tone right was a flick called "Beneath Still Waters". "In the Mouth of Madness" might be a close second. Of course, neither one of those is actually based on an H.P. Lovecraft story.
"Die Monster Die," loosely based on "The Colour Out of Space," starts out decent. "Hates Pussy..." lol
ReplyDeleteIsn't "Die Monster Die" the movie where there's been a meteor crash and then nothing happens for like 80 minutes? Starring the original Frankenstein monster, right? Thanks for nothing, Bore-Us Karloff.
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