Peter Parker's boss, J. Jonah Jameson, decides that his newspaper needs an extra kick in the ass, and what moves newspapers like knowing that the paper in question owns its very own, bona fide saber-toothed tiger? (Hey, don't look at me. I just review this shit.) Too bad the only saber-toothed tiger around belongs to Ka-Zar, Lord of the Savage Land, a guy who regularly fights dinosaurs with his bare hands:
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| Ignore him, Lisa. He's just showing off. |
This doesn't bother J.J.J. unduly though, so he hires Kraven the Cowardly Hunter to cat-nap the tiger. Kraven activates his superpowers (this is achieved by taking drugs), wrestles/gasses/electrified cages the sabertooth into submission, and somehow gets it past Customs into New York, where it generates so much publicity that nobody shows up. Oh, wait, J.J.J. just said that he hasn't actually kicked the publicity blitz off yet, and, as it turns out, he never does. In fact, he never even takes possession of the damn tiger! What do you want to bet that this is as far as the whole cockamamie idea goes? Frankly I think Jonah J. Jameson comes up with these ridiculous schemes solely to see how many superheroes/villains he can get pissed off at him at one time.
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| He never learns. |
Pretty soon Ka-Zar shows up looking for his cat, and when Kraven finds out he's in town (while sitting at his bamboo desk, watching the news on his television, which also appears to be made out of bamboo) he decides that they should fight. I mean why not, right? Neither one of them is married, or wears a shirt, so... Er, let's move on. Ka-zar barges into Jameson's office and picks him up over his head, I assume because he plans on throwing him out the window, but he's not a complete monster and lets Jonah answer his phone first, which turns out to be a lucky break for both of them because it's Kraven calling to see if Jonah can give Ka-Zar a ride to the big gay sex fight. He can and he does, Kraven uses his high-tech Kraven Computer to capture Ka-Zar without even breaking a sweat, and ultimately it's up to Spider-Man to save the day, which was a nice way to wrap things up, seeing as it is his show and all. Not that that's anything to be proud of, obviously.
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