Monday, September 10, 2012

The Cross and the Switchblade (1970)

Why would you join some pussy-ass gang like the Crips or the Warlocks when you can join the baddest gang of all, the Christians? Christians are millions strong; they recruit like crazy; they've got members in every hood in the country; they hassle, threaten, and bully everyone around; and whenever someone stands up to them they always manage to spin it so that they're the ones being dissed. Even better, if you're in charge of one of their chapters you don't pay taxes, not even on any tithe you take in!

The main Christian in this flick is a preacher-man so dedicated to bangin' that he abandons his pregnant wife to troll for prospects. Ruthless. He's currently got his eye on these thugz who are so hardcore that they wasted a kid by NOT hitting him with lead pipes, but eventually he decides to hold this huge rally and unite all the local gangs -- the Mau Maus, the Bishops, the Trixters, the Brotherhood, the Dittybops, the Be-Bop-A-Lulas, the Switcharoos, the Sacagaweas, the Pattycakes, the Kool Moe Dees, the Portmanteaus, the Bakeoffs, the East Georgetown Ballas, Sparkle Motion, the Studly Coalition, the French Resistance, the Latin Sallys, the Blue Man Group, the Marty McFlys, and all the rest -- into one Warriors style supergang under his colors. (That would be Jesus, and those colors don't run. They just sort of hang around. Ha ha!) It's no Romper Stomper, but there is one solid brawl/foot chase that starts as a rumble in the park and ends with both gangs on a roof fighting the pigs, the best part being when some cats get fooled into running down a blind alley where the other gang drops Molotov cocktails and bricks on them. Plus: a guy falling off a fire escape and landing on his face, a trick holding herself hostage (just like Blazing Saddles!), a surprisingly cool bit where one gang is hit at a funeral, step-by-step instructions on how to fix, and a part where violent gang members intimidate people into donating money to the preacher, which might just be the most honest scene to ever appear in a Christian movie.

All told, pretty entertaining.

"Five dollars gets you two joints, all our bodies, and a Sparkle Motion mouse pad!"
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1 comment:

  1. Jesus can rumble-tumble with the best of 'em! Watch out for his crotch punch of death!