Friday, April 11, 2014

Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth (1992)

Hellraisers I and II were full of ideas. Dumb ones, sure, but ideas nonetheless. So what's the only thing most horror fans took away from them? The demon with the nails in his face, "Pindick" or whatever his name is. As a result he's center stage this time around, initially showing up frozen in carbonite and then, after skinning some hotties alive to facilitate his escape, going on a cheesy horror movie rampage with his new, Videodrome-looking friends. This flick trots out every horror movie cliché imaginable, but the final chase does result in Man of Steel levels of property destruction, one guy explodes on the operating table after assing around with a Barker Box, and one of the main characters is a smokin' hot goddess of a goth chick who must be seen, and masturbated to, to be believed. And then masturbated to again. The plot is dumbed-down even by the not-so-lofty standards of the original, Pindick mis-paraphrases William Congreve, and cheese-metal rockers Armored Saint show up as a dance club's house band (nice career, fags), but all that aside it's still a gory, watchable horror movie full of stunningly beautiful women, and nowhere near as bad as people say. That's not to say it's actually good, of course, but what were you expecting? The Mourning Bride?

Random Hottie Shout-Out: The blonde extra in the leather skirt, gold hoop earrings, and new wave-looking top. Marry me.
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