When a movie series truly hits rock bottom, after they've done 3-D and "in space" and "in da hood" and the lost & found footage installment, they inevitably hit us with the "meta" sequel, where all the previous entries are portrayed as fictional movies that the characters in this movie have seen or are at least aware of. So it came to pass that Hellraiser (fucking) 8 is about a bunch of norks who (inexplicably) are really into the Hellraiser movies, and, by extension, the Hellraiser online game (which, thankfully, does not really exist) (yet). In the most unbelievable scenario this series has proposed to date, a huge Hellraiser fan gathering is taking place, and to no one's surprise (no one watching, anyway) a very real Pindick crashes the party, cleverly disguised as the guy from Aliens and Millennium. And Piranha Part Two. (We're not gonna forget, dude.) It's basically a slasher movie peppered with nonsensical hallucinations, although we're probably supposed to be impressed because, this being a Hellraiser movie, our slasher is killing these people for esoteric reasons. That said, the two main chicks are real lookers (too bad the hottest one dies first), there's gore and tits, and they pull off a decent twist towards the end, so it's not the worst horror flick I've ever dealt with. Of course, Wendy's isn't the worst fast food I've ever dealt with either. It still turns my ass into a garden hose.
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| And yet, suddenly, all is forgiven. In fact, I could go for some Wendy's right now. |
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