Monday, April 14, 2014

Hellraiser: Bloodline (1996)

Part 4 in any movie series is when most people stop giving a shit (except for me, of course: I didn't give a shit halfway through Part 1), so it's often the "in space" installment, because whether it's Leprechaun or Critters, Hellraiser or Star Wars, only the truly committed/delusional are still watching at this point, and they'll sit through any ridiculous flogging of the original, if only to have something to bitch about on their blogs later. This Part 4 has a few more tricks up its ass though: besides Pindick in spaaaace!!! it trots out a chick named "Rimmer" (she's not particularly hot, but I'd still like to meet her); the creation of the Barker Box (by a member of the powdered wig set); sex with an ugly woman (is it last call already?); an immortal/immoral dandy; twins who, between the two of them, aren't even one good actor (bonus: even in a movie full of dandies and powdered wigs, they're total homos); and a space station that transmogrifies into a gigantic Barker Box like an especially disappointing, off-brand Transformer. In short, it's pretty much incomprehensible rubbish. Oh, and Pindick brings his dog along this time, but animal lovers beware: the poor thing is so cold (probably because it has no skin) that its teeth are noticeably chattering every time it's on screen. I know Pindick has places to go and people to damn, but how hard would it have been for him to swing by the PetSmart on his way to outer space and pick up an extra-large doggie sweater for his loyal companion? What an asshole.

Seriously, does anyone have the number for Animal Protective Services? This is ridiculous.
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