Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Square Pegs (1982-1983)

This show has kind of a following because, you know, the 1980s, but remember what that old guy who taught Luke Skywalker how to lightsaber said:

"Who is more foolish? The fool, or the fool who watches it?"

For real, Square Pegs' 1980s shtick is more forced than 1980s shows that were made after the 1980s were over. Take, like, the chick who says "like" like so many times that, like, you want to, like, choke her to, like, death with, like, your penis. (Hey, I'm saying she's annoying, not ugly.) Then there's the guy who's supposed to be new wave, even though it's painfully obvious that the writers have no idea what that is. Although they're pretty sure it has something to do with the Clash. And even if you can ignore all the heavy-handed 1980s bullshit, the plots are filled with completely fucktarded, sub-Saved By the Bell occurrences. For example, in one episode this chick is disposing of her lunch every day by flushing it down the toilet because, I dunno, the cool kids, or anorexia or something. Anyway, it won't always flush, which is presented as a problem despite the fact that, last time I checked, you can generally throw shit you don't want into garbage cans too. Or on the ground. Talk about bending over backwards for a gag. Seriously, hacks who made this show, write much? Or what about the one where they install video games in the school cafeteria, so kids are constantly in there playing Pac Man instead of going to class? What the hell kind of school are these clowns running? (Oh, yeah, public school.) There's tons of bush-league mistakes too, like a part where we hear everyone in the room mumbling and whispering but can clearly see that no one is mumbling or whispering, and a bit where the new wave guy is only allowed into a cool-kid party so he can operate the sound board for the band, but then the episode completely forgets its own plot and he spends the entire time dancing to the band instead.

Speaking of bands, one of this show's big selling points is the music, but if you're one of those people who likes music don't get too excited. Devo shows up and actually plays a song that isn't "Whip It", but beyond that the only tunes of note are by Jimmy and the Mustangs (notable for being the only 1980s rockabilly band not called "The [Something] Cats") and the Waitresses, and as you know the Waitresses are only famous for two things: 1) writing the two worst songs in the history of the universe, including the future and 2) having a lead singer who is so badger-cunt ugly that I wouldn't fuck her for money. You know who I would fuck for money though? The super-annoying pep chick. No one that energetic could be anything but a shrieking romp monster in bed. (Well, either that or she'd break down crying halfway through, which would be even better.) Plus I like the fact that she's an insufferable twat. The only chick in this entire show who trumps her is the incidental redhead who occasionally shows up in crowd scenes:

Hell yes. I'll tell you what, I would put my peg in any hole that chippie offered. It isn't square, though. Frankly it's more like a baby's arm. Assuming that baby was super well-hung of course.

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