Okay, so they spend the entire first half of this flick recruiting scientists, and of course every single one of them is a complete blowhard who just has to show off his or her new invention. There's a guy who's invented a way to talk to dolphins, a guy who claims to have invented rabbits that can breathe underwater but the rabbits he shows us clearly aren't underwater so I don't know who he thinks he's kidding, and a chick who's invented having a nice ass & legs combo. Well, maybe she didn't invent it, but she did find a solid practical application. Once everyone's been collected the real story finally begins: it seems there's been too many earthquakes lately (thank you, Al Gore), so these jokers are gonna tool around the world in a submarine and plant fifty earthquake detectors on the ocean floor. Apparently fifty is plenty because the detectors are super sensitive, even more sensitive than the kid from my high school who cried whenever someone pronounced his name wrong. Remember that pussy? Dick Smocker? Anyway, there's no real trouble to speak of along the way (a few minor disagreements; some inconsequential pussy poaching; a giant eel that doesn't even come close to eating anyone), which means this movie just keeps buying endless rounds of boring all the way through to the boring wrap-up. "Remember that time we traveled around the world under the sea and absolutely nothing happened?" Why am I even watching this??? The only part I liked was the very end, where they show the guy who lost his girl to another crew member holding a couple of gerbils. Ha ha! Enjoy your weekend, buddy!
|"Squeak! The horror... Squeak!"|
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