Sunday, November 4, 2012

Ek Aur Aatank (2005)

A lot happens in this movie, but it's mostly incomprehensible since the damn thing is in Indian (7-11, not casino) and who the hell speaks Indian? As near as I can figure it, this is the setup: a baby is born on the wrong side of the tracks (I think his pop even got run over by the train), the cops are totally corrupt, and there's a helicopter. And now we're going back in time to see how it all came about... How all what came about, you ask? Rest assured, that's not necessary information, because when it comes to world cinema two things are universal: the meet cute, and the part where horrific violence is perpetrated by one human being against another.

Racism and sexual innuendo are also appreciated.
The meet cute occurs when the main guy asks this girl at the library for a book called I Love You and she thinks he's propositioning her. The violence occurs a little later, when our main guy gorily beats the shit out of some right bastards, including one cat he punches right through the goddamned windshield of a car. He does his time, gets released, marries his girl, and it seems like his past is behind him, until the bad guys return and kick his fat, comedic-relief friend's mom in the face. The face-kicker is quickly decapitated by the main guy, the bad guys retaliate by cutting a child's arm off, and our main guy and his friends respond to this by somehow acquiring enough financing to beat, machete, bribe, stab, stomp, rob, and shoot everyone in sight. Plus, singing and dancing! (Actually, this flick is pretty light on the singing and dancing. It must be the New Bollywood.) Finally the pigs decide that the good guys' orgy of vigilante justice must be stopped. "Nobody is over the law!" the head cop declares (in English). Well, except for the police, apparently, who spend the next several scenes shooting unarmed suspects in the back. This movie is too damn long (it's like a Bollywood Once Upon a Time in America, except, you know, without the America) and a lot of it is pretty boring, but there is some gory violence, and the occasional cool scene, so if you must watch a movie with a lot of fighting in it that you know you're not going to understand, and you don't have access to the Matrix sequels, you could do a lot worse.
For more awesome movie reviews, check out Mr. Satanism's Horror-nasium, available here.

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