Friday, June 15, 2012

Dear Dog Owners...

In the future, feel free to simply refer to the following indignant speeches by number:

The "I am not responsible for anything my dog does" speech (#1)

The "Everyone who doesn't love my dog as much as I do is a bad person" speech (#2)

The "My dog is everyone else's responsibility" speech (#3)

The "I didn't see her go or I would have picked it up" speech (#4)

The "He doesn't bite, your kid must have done something to him" speech (#5)

The "You don't like dogs? What are you, a nigger?" speech (#6) (Note: this also doubles as Racist Speech #3.)

Hopefully this will save us all a lot of time. Thank you.


P.S. Your dog fucking sucks. And so do you.

2 comments:

  1. Sadly these comments work just as well for cat owners. Just substitute "claw" for "bite" on #5.

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    1. True, but cats tend to stay out of your way after you kick 'em once or twice, so they're a lot less annoying. For my money the best household companion is a 16-year-old runaway who hates her father, but if you MUST own an animal low-maintenance is best. Give me a pet that only eats once a year any day.

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