Despite an impressive budget and a slick, second-tier Hollywood look, Iron Sky is not a big, soulless, empty-headed Hollywood movie, and what's tragically ironic about this is that soulless, empty-headed Hollywood actually would have done a better job. Really, this could've been such a cool movie and it's such a piece of shit. The time is the near future (you can tell because there's a woman President; previous near-futures have always featured a black one), and, as it turns out, the Nazis have been hiding out on the dark side of the moon this entire time, just waiting for a chance to get their hands on a cell phone battery to power their ultimate death weapon and conquer the world once and for all. Opposing them: an irreverent black guy who, quite frankly, is more like a parody of a black person as envisioned by somebody who's never actually met one before. (Imagine your little sister's idiot boyfriend doing his best Will Smith at a party and you'll have some idea what I'm talking about here.) In fact, this entire movie feels like a parody of itself, except minus the parts where it's aware of this or in any way funny. Here's an example: a guy tells a chick she's a knockout, and then... wait for it... he's knocked out! Ha ha! Wow.
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| Nazis haven't been this zany since Hogan's Heroes. And the invasion of Belgium. |
There's inappropriate comedic music when super dramatic shit is going down, the main black guy is transformed into a white guy (This necessitates covering the black actor with whiteface. Er, is that racist or not?); the Nazis' second-in-command tools around the 'hood in a stolen VW Microbus; all the female characters seem to think they're in a porno, making every important decision based on whether or not it will get them laid; the political commentary is so heavy-handed that it makes Tom Tomorrow look witty and subtle by comparison; and the big spaceship battle at the end is so flat and uninvolving that it could have been lifted from the Star Wars prequels. Pluses are limited to a hot Nazi chick in her underwear (which just gave me an awesome idea for this weekend), two good jokes, and an admirably-cynical final shot. Other than that this movie seems to have been crafted by some sort of pod people who have no working knowledge of anything: women, the law, history, politics, jokes, the military... It's like something an unsocialized four-year-old would come up with, except we could simply spank the four-year-old and then give him a time-out, effectively nipping any more of his nonsense right in the bud. Too bad that isn't possible here, but rest assured that, in protest of this movie, I will symbolically spank a girl dressed as a Nazi, very, very soon. And maybe get some in return.
This weekend is gonna be so awesome.
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| SO awesome... |
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