Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Women in Fury (1985)

The primary difference between real women in prison and movie women in prison is that people expect the latter to be at least borderline doable. This flick never got the memo though. Maybe they were going for realism or something, but trust me, with very few exceptions, nobody wants to look at the kind of ass that actually ends up in prison, which means that I spent the majority of this flick cringing and/or puking my balls out. I'm not kidding - every catfight, every tit, every instance of full-frontal, and every lesbian scene had me hurling harder (and further) than the last. Honestly, this entire flick was like some horrible Pavlovian experiment designed to make me hate sleazy movies. It got to the point where I was chugging entire jugs of water during the plot scenes, just so I wouldn't dehydrate. (Of course said plot is pretty slipshod too. For example, they can never quite decide if the main chick is doing time for first degree homicide, or second degree homicide. I know this movie goes down in some coconut-sucking banana peel republic, but even those coup-happy assclowns are generally organized enough to keep their trumped-up charges straight.) Frankly I didn't know how I was gonna make it through this one, but around the halfway point the prisoners finally revolt (if you ask me, they were already revolting, ha ha!), so at least there's some entertaining violence, plus a hilarious bit where someone shoots an obviously fake snake in the head. There are some brilliant lines too ("Whatever happens I'll let you know where to find me. Even if it's in Hell."; "Then come and get it, you fag-licking bastard!"), but ultimately the only one in fury was me, for wasting my time with this awful movie full of hideous, ugly bitches.

Oh, and just for the record, I'm fairly certain that saying someone is "in fury" is grammatically incorrect. You ineducated fucktards.
For more movies about women, check this out.

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