This starts off okay, with a passable dame showing off the dynamic duo before being impaled, but after that it's all over the fucking map. There are some cool bits -- like when one guy is blasted by a semi truck -- but then they go and give us a scene where the main dude is attacked by a kitchen, complete with frozen pizzas flying out of the freezer at him like deadly frisbees. (My spell-check kept trying to capitalize "frisbee", but I wasn't having it. Fuck you, Wham-O.) It's also got a part where Red Sonja reads her lines off a piece of paper she has (not so) cleverly hidden in a book (what a dumb, unprofessional twat), and the infamous scene where a ninja pops up in a chick's car and drives it into an electrical transformer, which I've seen re-purposed in at least two other movies. Cheap, lazy fucks. And could someone please explain to me how a ghost can be "killed" by falling off a cliff? This disaster's sole saving grace is the main chick's best friend; she is so goddamned fine there aren't even words in the English language to describe it. You'd have to speak French:
Seriously, we are talking total destination fuck here. Plus she digs horror movies, and is the only character in this movie who knows how to dress. Too bad she's ultimately sucked into a television and killed by the zombies from It's a Wonderful Life. No, that's not a typo. If these chuckleheads had been smart, they would've come up with some viral marketing campaign where you call the 976-EVIL number and an actress purporting to be the actress playing this chick talks dirty to you. Of course, if they were smart, they wouldn't have made a sequel to 976-EVIL in the first place.
----------Why does It's a Wonderful Life secretly suck? Find out here.
