Tuesday, February 10, 2015

A Chronology on Elm Street, Part 4

A Nightmare on Elm Street Part 2: Freddy's Revenge

A new family moves into the house formerly occupied by the previous movie's main chick, and in no time flat their teenage son is possessed by Freddy and off on a gory, homicidal rampage. Although he does get some limited action with a hot little redhead first, and in my book that's a pretty fair trade-off.

Redheads. Always worth it.
This is the Elm Street flick everyone hates because it doesn't quite gel with the rest of the series, but that's exactly why I like it: it just does its own haunted house/possession thing and doesn't get bogged down with a bunch of half-assed "mythology" that nobody cares about anyway. Plus Freddy is still a passably scary badass here instead of the fucking joke he would soon become, rattling off endless Bob Hope-style one-liners and pimping his own 1-900 number and shit. Seriously, what a tool. In this movie, the people get the funny lines, like the main kid's dad ("He needs a methadone clinic!"), or this smartass:

Chick: "So you going to Lisa's house tomorrow night?"
Dude: "No. Can't. I'm grounded."
Chick: "How come?"
Dude: "I threw my grandmother down a flight of stairs."

Then there's the main chick, a sizzling-hot redhead who isn't even fazed when her sort-of boyfriend shows up at the front door covered in someone else's blood. We all need a girl like that. Clearly this is all good stuff, but wait, there's more:
  • The exploding bird
  • The joker with the huge Limahl and King Kobra posters in his room. In the history of the world, has there ever actually been a person who listens to both Limahl and King Kobra?
  • The whale-song playing while red-hot Red is trying to stab Freddy in her kitchen. For real, did you ever notice that? What the hell?
  • All the terror builds up to Freddy crashing a high school pool party. Ha ha! Maybe he'll TP the quarterback's house next. Duh.
  • Special shout-out to the bikini chick with the Flock of Seagulls hair at that party, by the way. She doesn't do anything important, but Jesus Christ is she fucking fine.
  • End credits song: "Did You Ever See a Dream Walking?" by Bing Crosby. Brilliant. This movie rocks. Or swings, whatever.

Seriously, any babe with the vag to wear her hair like this, in public, has won my eternal love.
Dig these crazy haunted house movies? I wrote an entire book on the subject. Legendary House of Haunted Hell is currently available here.

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